needed

There is always parts of us that want to be wanted or needed. At home growing up as a child you want to be loved and accepted for who you are and not because your different. In school you want people to like you and not pick on you cause you dont know how to act around people. You feel like you dont matter and that you just might as well disapear and not exisit. You put up fronts and start lieng and saying things so you can fit in doesnt get you anywhere at all. You put up fronts acting like your ok and what does that get you no where. You put yourself out there and then you still get treated like dirt. You begin to feel like dirt and worthless. You wish you could be different so you can fit in. You want to be different and you want the ADD to go away but it will never go away. Your in for a fight for your life. I was diagnosed when I was in 1st grade and everyone made fun of me cause I had no selfcontrol. I did not know how to act around my peers yet alone function in a classroom. On somedays I can be all focused and then its like I cannt get anythin done and Im on meds for the hyper activity and it doesnt work. Try fitting in when at lunchtime during recess you have to go to the office to get your meds that make you feel awful that kinda work. You act like everything is fine and dandy but inside your torn up because you hate yourself for not bein able to keep ur mouth shut in class or having ur legs start shaking and get yelled at and sent to the displanrian because you cannt control it. You feel like why are you even here cause its a struggle to make it through your classes and barely scrap by highschool and barley get through college. It sucks to be ADD sometimes because I cannt control what Im gonna say sometimes and I stare at people sometimes and then get made fun of. You begin the process of shuttin down and stuffing till you cannt stuff no more. So you begin to do to yourself what others did to you. You start tearing you self down. Sayin look how pathetic you are. And then you get to a point where you cannt look at yourself in the mirror anymore because you absolutely hate yourself so much and are disgusted. You use drugs and alcohol to numb out and when that doesnt work you start scratching and burningbecause you want what is inside to be outside too.

God always needs us and wants us takes time to figure out but once we do its an awesome feelin to know you are worth it. You arent dirt to GOD. God finds you important and special. He love you when you cannt even love yourself. He forgives you when you cannt forgive yourself.

He loves you no matter what you did,