Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Long Day

When your long day is over And you can barely drag your feet the weight of the world is on your shoulders I know what you need Bring it on Home to me.
(Bring It On Home Little Big Town)

In summer of 06 was the first time I heard little big town sing this song and something in that song hit me. when I was in summer school the last time in Wilson. I would have to walk to the appartment to class everyday and on those days I wanted to drink to numb out I put this song and just felt better I dont know why. Maybe because when your in over your head and nothing seems to go right during your day GOD is right there. HE is right there waiting to take the burdens off our shoulders.

Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. "

I just have to remember that. HE wants me to bring everything to HIM. Its hard for me to let go and let GOD.

"A really close friend and nurse from Highschool told me that she sees my disabilities like this..... Have you ever tried to walk in the deep end of the swimming pool? Like 4 or 5 feet of water? With every step and swing of your arm you have to push thru the water and the water pushes against you. It's really hard. You have to use so much extra energy and strength. You can walk but it takes so much more effort and time. When the water gets deeper you start to float a little. The bobbing around makes walking through the pool even harder because you have to fight to go straight as you get knocked side to side by the water. However, the people walking around on the pool deck move so much easier and faster. That must be what it is like to have disabilities.

Getting through school and life is like a race from one edge of the pool to the other. HOWEVER, in this race you have to be in the water but everyone else gets to walk on the concrete. Your disabilities make getting through life harder. You work your butt off and try so hard. You watch as other people seem to do things easier. I don’t think people realize what you are up against. They are like, "come on Katie". You can walk. Keep up. Everybody else can get across the pool. (yea but they are walking on the concrete, not thru the water!!) Of course you get frustrated, pissed off and sick of it. You get sick of being different.

Look at what you have accomplished. You've done as much or more than a lot of people that don’t have any obstacles in there way. The fact that you have worked so hard and achieved so much with the disabilities you have means that you are a better, stronger person than the average person! Does that make sense? If everyone had to be in the pool in the race to get across, many of them wouldn’t make it across. If everyone had to get through life and school with your same set of disabilities. I assure you that most would either quit or fail. You are a super-woman! You ROCK."

I had forgotten about this email she sent me till recently and its true. Its like the song and well I take everything and keep till it feels like Im trying to make it to the other side of the pool. Yet GOD wants me to give it to HIM so HE can help me get across. No I kept going because GOD gave me the strength I needed to get through each obstacle. I took whatever people said to me that I couldnt make it. I took the laughing at me cause I couldn't sit still in class or couldnt keep my mouth shut because what else could I do. I took the name calling and put it on my shoulders and on those nights when I didnt feel I was worth anything I'd remember the things people would say and believe them. But GOD does want that HE doesnt want me to hold on to it. But I do because its safe. HE wants me to let HIM take it. SO when my long day ends HE wants me to give it all to HIM. When the world said Katie you cannt do this. Katie you cannt do that. Katie you wont make it through college. I said Oh yes I can. Yes it was a stuggle and a battle at times but because I had GOD on my side I was able to succed only with HIS HELP. I didnt quit or go home when people in my dorm would write nasty things on my dry erase board. I didn't quit after roommate after roommate left because they didnt like how I lived. I didnt quit when I was in a huge depression. I didn't quit when I kept getting horrible migrains that kept me from going to classes. I didnt quit when I used alcohol to numb the pain. No I kept going because with GODs HELP I would be able to make it.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ode to Teddy and Thumper

This is video I did for my two dogs not the other because bailey wasnt even born yet. ISuch blessing to my life at a time when life was so not great. It was funny the first time my mom sent me the email saying weare getting two puppies at that point my heart that was oh so big again. They came home the day I was on train for 8hrs normally takes 4 and a half. But it was so worth it to shee these two puppies prancing and pouncing and chasing each other and then having them on my lap sleeping again made my heart grow. There full names are Theodore James and Thumper Marie they will be 4 years old january 6th.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Smiling for fun

Random pictures of me smiling and baby pictures thrown in there as well. I figured since Ive been down alot lately what better to make me feel better then do a video of pictures. The song was hard to pick but then I choose this song because in New Years Eve 06 I heard it and its a funky little song. You cannt but want to dance with this song.

Song is Dig Deep By Shawna P.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.