Wednesday, November 25, 2009

More Random Facts

Ive been to 12 states PA, WV, VA, NC, SC, TN, DE, NJ, NY, CA, OR, LA
Started drinking in sumer of 01 ended drinking in Summer of 06
My favorite restraunts our Olive Garden, Cheesecake factory, and Cracker Barrel
My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night
My Favorite Casting Crowns songs would be Stained Glass Masquerade, Does Anybody Hear Her, Love Them Like Jesus, Set Me Free
I played soccer, softball, t- ball, was on swim team, and basketball
My favorite donut is chocolate frosted
My favorite colors Orange, Blue, Purple, and Green
In college I was in FCA
Favorite Books in the Bible Psalms and James
Favorite Author Karen Kingsbury and Francine Rivers
Favorite Verses Joshua 1:9, Phillipians 4:13, Romans 8:28, Psalm 91, Psalm 46:10
Favorite States Ive been to TN, CA, NC
Coolest cities Ive been to Nashville, Los Angelis, Portland, New Orleans, San Diago
Favorite little big town comment God never gives you more then you can handle and Never Give Up.
Favorite State to see Little Big Town PA
Favorite all time song Wind Beneath My Wings Bette Middler
Favorite Childhood song You can Call Me Al and We Didnt start the fire
Roommates in College 6 in 5 yrs
Favorite Worship Songs Trading My Sorrows and Amazing Love
Favorite Jeremy Camp Songs This Man, Walk By Faith, Right Here, Lay Down My Pride
Favorite Matthew West songs Motions, Your Everything, Moment of Truth
Favorite Football Teams Washington Redskins, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Tennesse Titans
Favorite Hotel ive been in Hotel Del Cornado in San Diago
People I want too meet Pat Summit, Cheryl Swoops, Rebbecca Lobbo and Lisa Leslie all childhood heroes looked up to them
Artists Ive met Little Big Town, Matthew West, Toby Mac, Day of Fire, Phil Stacy, American Idols Session 6, Josh Gracin, Jonny Diaz, 33 miles, Trick Pony, Cowboy Troy, Shawna P, Damin Horne.
First Christian CDs I got Building 429 and Sillars Ballad
First time I heard Little Big Town Fanfest 05
First Time met Little Big Town Ebensburgh
First Converstion with Little Big Town Dover Delaware
First place I set the fire alarm off was in hotel in Dover Deleware when the shower steam set it off but me and kim grabed our Bibles pillows bears ipods and car keys we figured the clothes u can replasce we couldnt replace the bibles because they were lbt bibles case signed by them so it goes with us all over the place not a trip without the lbt bible funny thing is its my recoevry bible
First Christian Concert October Fest at Walnut Creek NC
Crazyiest thing I did was go see the Chip and Dale Dancers in 06
Longest Ive gone without sleep 48 hrs
I like Sushi California Rolls from Woollies in on the strip in PA
I like to watch MASH
Favorite HGTV shows would be House Hunters, House hunters international, Property virgins, My first place.
Weirdest Little Big Town encounter / bazzarrest day would be in Daniville VA in 09
In 01 I had my wisdom teeth out that were impacted not only that I had a cyst the removed and not only that on the mend I had a dime sized canquer sore
Scariest trip to see LBT me and kim got lost what a shock but had to do a U-turn and we were double blinded on both sides so she has sun roof so I unbuckled my seat belt and stood on the seat to look out the sunroof so we could safely cross the street

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Letting it Out

Ephesians 2:14 He Himself is our Peace.

These past 2 weeks I have been on a rollercoaster ride of sorts with lost of stuff in my life seeming to crash at one time. Leading me to back to an old habbit. Well it really started sunday night when I walked out on dinner. Which sent my body in to full blown anger mode. I turned on music to try and cool down but it didnt seem to help much cause when I woke up in the AM it was back worse then Sunday night. I went from being supper anxious ready to cry and then angry and not wanting to feel a thing. So in that moment I went back to scratching again. Was so low that I had this look on my face that nothing mattered. Then my friend told me to calm down and turn to God. Bam those words I needed to hear to get out of it. So I then put on worship music and just worshiped. I still cannt cry but I am learning that I have to notjudge myself and that I have to forgive myself. Im so blessed with my friendship with @AliveinMe she has been pointing me to rely fully on GOD. And that is hard for me but I need my life back and if giving HIM everything will get me back to being happy and not down in the dumps. And trust that HE is in control.

On thursday I was told by my parents that I had rolls in my belly. I knew I had them Im well aware of what my tummy looks like and that it has rolls. I didnt need to be reminded of it. Especially in a bad week when I already was depressed hey lets make her more depressed.

I did end up crying last night but only because I was putting myself down. SO I guess it was self bashing last night.

I also have been fighting headaches off and on this week. Slept alot yesterday.

I had a meeting with the Department of Rehabilitation and they said that my case was delayed cause they didnt have the right paperwork filed and that I basically fell through the cracks. SO my mom and my Aunt who is a social worker went with me and they now are proceeding with everything. All I have to do is sign paperwork and wait for appoinments. Plus will file for Social Security again. My parents filed when I was little now we are gonna try again. Since I will be starting work as part time.

Also In talking with @AliveinMe or Hetty I have been able to share things from my past that I assumed to keep to myself. Yet GOD knew all about so really I was just hiding it from myself so I wouldnt get hurt all over again. Yet I have been carrying it for so long that I was doing more harm to myself by not letting go. And now that I think about it letting go is the best thing it takes the weight off my shoulders. So I can turn to HIM and give GOD my everything. Not just parts here and parts there all of me.

But God got me through and I still sober and He is still GOD. I just have to remind myself Im never alone even if I feel like it sometimes there are others out there too. SO Im gonna take last week and give it to HIM.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Things are a changing

Isaiah 264 "Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal Rock"

Things are changing for me. Who would have guess that a few months ago I would be able to stand in front of 100 or more people and give a tost to my best friend Shannon and her husband at her wedding and not wig out. Ya I was nerveous but I had God with me and holding me. It wasnt as bad the biggest thing was my mom was making it worse by saying you dont have to give it . I felt lead to that it was a stepping stone for what is to come in my life. I have to admit I was scared of what my future may hold with work and my calling. But now I know that whatever happens I have God on my side and with Him anything is possible. Just recently my friend and I started a new twitter account for addiction (@fillmyvoid). It was created so people who had any addiction who conquered it whose struggling with it. To talk it out. Its also a way for me to reach out to others who currently struggle or have struggled with addictions. This was brought up because someone I knew from my celebrate recovery group said that I shouldnt pick up a chip because I have not gone to any meetings and not working on my own recovery. I personnaly dont think working the 12 steps is for me. I have learned by trial and error. In the past I reach out to others before reaching out to God. But my friend @AliveinMe is helping me to reach out to God first then to others. I am so blessed to know her. I was recently put on a waiting list for the Department of Rehabilitation. I thought this was just another screw Katie out of the help and services needed to make me successful and thrive. But in fact it might not be the case. My moms friend from college said to my mom she would come with us to the meeting she is a liscensed social worker so it will help shake them up. Its all in Gods timing I might not be ready for what He has me doing next so He is preparing me right now to do His will. Its all in His timing. I just need to have patience. I have to be willing and open to change regardless of how scary it might be. I need to remember that God is first and everything else is second. If He is first and infront of me then I have nothing to fear easy said then done but i will try. Something else I may not got to meetings for my Alcohol problem but I am reaching out to many others who if I had not gotten back into twitter I would not have met awesome people all over the place. I do not like to be forced into something ike joining a step group or changing groups all together. I am a person too with real issues and real problems. I guess some people dont think that and so they are missing out on getting hugs and smiles from me. God closed that door for good the other day when I recieved that email. I dont need to feel like Im trash in a safe place. I dont need to be treated like a kid and have to act as if everything is fine and dandy and play it up. Because that is not me any more Im tired of this pretending was me long ago not me anymore.