Sunday, May 31, 2009

Trust God

When your life gets turned upside down and people fail you and hurt you. There is only one thing you can cling to and thats God. He will not leave me even when things seem to fall apart He is there. He is there waiting for me to call out to Him that I need Him. Its hard to trust Him when you don't trust most people but He gave me a way to trust Him.
"There is hope for the helpless rest for the weary love for the broken heart there is grace and forgiveness mercy and healing He'll meet you wherever you are Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus" Cry Out To Jesus: Third Day

We live supperchick

We live we love, We forgive and never give up, Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above, So today we remember to live and to love." We Live: Supperchick
I think those lyrics fits me a lot. Because when things get tough more than likely I will still push on and not give up because I don't want to quit. When I feel like blah I have to remember that the day will end and tomorrow will be a new day. So I should make the most of today and live for today and not worry about what my future holds.

November 05 awesome stuff

Psalm 34:18 ("If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath."
"You say come, all who a weary, You say come, every exhausted soul, And I will give you rest, Come, all who are hurting, You say come, all you who are broken and bruised, And I will give you rest." You Say Come: Josh Bates

Isn't amazzing to know that when your at your weakest moment and are not happy God is right there waiting for you. He will pick you up when you fall and will carry your troubles on His cross. So even when feel like Hes not there He is He wants us to call out to Him so He can rescue us from our troubles and our fears. Isn't it awesome that He will give us rest when we are hurting and are broken.

Leting go 05

Letting Go By Jeremy Camp
Gripping arms so tight The security i have inside Knowing what is right Holding onto my cry
Letting Go Of the things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears Letting Go
Of the Things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears I have been brought to a place Where i want to give up everything Where all i can do is seek your face The brokenness i will bring Letting Go Of the things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears Letting Go Of the Things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears holding onto the things i deem so strong Holding on even though i know ive held on too long Letting Go
Letting Go Of the things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears Letting Go
Of the Things i hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears Of all my pain and all my fears Letting Go.

I just need to let go and let God. Because no matter how hard it is to trust Him I have to He's gonna get me through it some way or another.

Blog from 05

Ok so I read this book yesterday and it talked about ADD and ADHD which I have. And they talked about not having parents and teachers and friends telling us when we our younger that they are proud of us. Then they expect us to be good and do good in school and yet we don't get complements. Just a simple I'm proud of you can change how I feel. You see in my mind since I've had to deal with this for like 17 years I don't know how to act in certain situations and people expect you to act all proper and stuff but when u struggle with ADHD and ADD its very hard to act civil. Well thats because the schools do not teach us how to act. So we act out and misbehave we call out in class with out knowing it and we cann't help it. Its also tough because you struggle to keep friends and you have to fight through everyday just to make it. And when schools out the fight isn't over it goes on at your house with your parents yelling at you to clean your room and do your homework and to stop acting like a fool. The Fight is also in your head to you fight the voices of peers and there own thoughts and self talk. You see it would be nice if people could understand what its like to live in the mind of person with ADD and ADHD. Its tough because each day is a struggle to get things done and stay focused on what the task is at hand. And some people look at you funny because you stare and you take your time. You see we need order and we need to know whats going on when so we can prepare ourselves for it.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Who knew

Who knew that about 3 years ago I was drinking heavally and would end up quiting drinking cause of the people praying for me and my sobriety to this day I have three years. Praise God. But thats not why Im writting this. Im writting this cause of 4 special people Karen Kimberly Jimi and Phillip. 4 memembers of LBT. There song Bring it on Home got me hooked especially since I was away at summer school since I had to make up the grades for two classes I failed. Walking home from class Id blast that song and it got me through those long sober nights when i would get glimps of the past. Who knew that the fix I want now is another lbt moment and concert. Those moments come and go but those moments are moments that God gave me so He could get me thinking straight. Those moments I will never forget.

Randomness

God says to me I will lovve you. I do love you. I have loved you all your life and I always will. You understand me when I feel misunderstood and unloved by others. You never give up on me. You always meet me where I am. You draw me closer then ever to Your heart. You always see me. You always hear me. You always want and intimate relationship with me.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

What God is doing in my life

That when I was in over my head and filled with anxiety God gave me peace of mind.
When I cried out to Him He heard me and I saw Him bring me out of complete hell to peace in the storm.
He showed me He could take all my burdens.
He showed me that I could not do it on my own but with His help I could make it.
He showed me He can can Fix the broken pieces of my life and that I can't fix it on my own.
God showed that He has to be first and the center of my being.
Verses that I clung to during a tough time
1 Peter 5:7 Leave all your worries on Him cause He cares for you.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do and He will show the right way.

What I learned

That when my life feels unmanigable that its really not just im my head.
Ive learned that i cannt do everything on my own even if I think I can.
Ive learned that if I get in over my head to ask for help cause its there.
Ive learned that Nothing is impossible with God.
Ive learned that even if people are being mean to me I shouldnt take it personally.
Ive Learned that I just need to Call on the Name of Jesus when I feel overwhelmed.
Ive learned prayer really works.
Ive learned that God will meet me where I am at.
Ive learned that God never makes mistakes.
Ive learned that God never gives us more then we can handle.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Random FActs

video

Fear

Fear stops us dead in our tracks.
Fear puts barriers in our life.
Fear stops us from doing what we are callled to do.
Fear stops us from being ourselves.
Fear stops us from stepping out in Faith.
Fear puts stones in our heart.
Fear stops us from pursuing our dreams.
Fear takes us away and from the Lord.
Fear destroys lives and realtionships.

We Run

We run through this life without knowing what is going on.
We miss out on the little things in life that brings joy.
We run towards something.
Sometimes we have idea what we are running from.
Some run from fears, from others, and from ourselves.
Some run from the future.We run from the future.We run from our dreams.
We run from our relationships.
We run from the help other people give us.
We run from our friends.
We run from God.
I ran from God but he never ran from me.
I ran from a friend because I was scared of what I was becoming.
We start running from everything when a little part of our heart dies.
We shut the people who matter out because we hurt so bad.
We run because we lose ourself.
We run cause we don't want to be where we are at.
We run because we are afraid to move on.

Just One

Just one drink. But thats never enough to fill the void.
Just one more drink. That changes everything.
Just one more hug. That might be the last one.
Just one more chance to say I love you. You might not have anther chance.
Just one more cookie. We go and think just one more whatever and were think it will give us back what we lost. Some people never got the chance to say the words we need to hear. So we long for Just one more of anything and everything but to some that never comes. There is just one person who can make the difference and that is Jesus. He is the only one that give us one more.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Video

video

Hope yall enjoy

unknown rant about finding work being ADD

My bigest fear to start looking for a job now is being verbally abused by coworkers or a boss. Its not an easy thing to move on from. I try not to let it get to me but I can only fake the smile and pretend for so long before I break. I need to begin to let God help me to let go of the things that happened to me at my job. I know what people are gonna say its not your fault and just let go but its complicated. I need to stop wanting to fix it myself but that's all part of an ADD person if you screw up you want to make it right yourself. And if you can't get it right you feel miserable and think your worthless and don't deserve anything at all. Growing up with ADHD I had to make sure things were in order and if I screwed up Id get blamed for it and then feel awful. When your a girl and your different from all the other kids it really does have an affect on you. Trusting people and God is a big problem for me. Because if you were hurt by the people who you thought were your friends not Kim but others then its kind of hard to trust God. Ya but Hes always there waiting for me to come to my senses. People also tell me to be a victor not a victim I'm trying not to be a victim. When you need to feel loved and accepted t sometimes never come by your parents. So when your around people who have that love and accept you you want to hold onto it because it feels safe. And that feeling only last for a little while then you go back to the way things were and that's not so safe. Being around Karen Jimi Kimberly and Phillip make you feel loved, safe and accepted. If you don't feel loved at home or have love for yourself how are you supposed to feel Gods love.Its hard to rely totally on Him when you had to rely on yourself for so long. But I won't give up because I'm not a quitter.

Random Facts

My real name is Kathleen Elizabeth.
Dont like being called Kathleen at all.
I go by Katie
I am a grateful Believer in Jesus Christ.
I am a recovering alcoholic.
I stayed back in Kindergarden .
I sleep with my baby blanket and a bear named Freddy James I made in college during a rough 2003.
I used to sleep with another bear named jimi but in charllotesville VA he got bear napped.
I have two best friends Shannon W. and Kim.
Ive Known Kim almost 11 years
Ive known shannon since 2nd grade
My first dog Mattie died when I was away at college my 1st semester of my senoir year.
I have three dogs Teddy Thumper and Bailey.
I call them the west virginia family. Teddy and thumper are brother and sister and Baileys their baby.
I go to Church of the Redeemer.
I love going on trips to see Little Big Town with Kim.
Ive seen Little Big Town 31 times in a little over 3 years.
My all time favorite movie is Beaches.
My current favorite movies would be Facing the Giants and Fireproof.
My favorite tv shows growing up would be Touched by an Angel and Welcome to Pooh Corner.
My current favorite tv shows NCIS, Greys Antomy, and Extreme House Makeover.
Favorite Little Big Town Songs: Love Profound, Evangeline, Vapor, Bring it on Home, Stay, Lost, Bones, Only What You Make of It and Im with the Band.
Favorite Christian bands or artists TobyMac, Casting Crowns, Jeremy Camp and Matthew West.
Favorite Little Big Town femal memember Kimberly sorry Karen you got the boot.
Favorite Little Big Town guy memember would be Phillip sorry Jimi you havent stepped up your game yet.
I used to manage my high school girls basketball teams fresmen jv and varsity.
I have some cool friends kim and shannon. Sue, Lauren its weird how God places people in your life when you need them i'll never forget what you did for me, Mary Anne, Michelle. Hetty Im so blessed God connected us He works in marvelus ways.
When I first entered barton College I majored in Sports Management then changed to Undecided before settling with Criminal Justice and Criminology.
I like Ledos Pizza.
The longest Ive been up was 48 hours due to a project for a memeber of Little Big Town and then not wanting to miss said concert.
In Highschool I went by kdogg.
In college people called me crazykatie cause id walk run down the halls act wild.
In my Sophmore year of college I broke my tailbone and chipped part of the bone too.
SO embaracing goin to class with a blue donout pillow.
To this day I still have pains from it.
When I went to Girl Scott Camp I got stung by a bee on my top lip.
I collect shot glasses from states I visted or just cause they look cool.

The Girl

The Girl
Who is this girl? What are people going to think of her when they find out who she really is? She was so innocent with her smile. Deep down inside she was scared and afraid of what people might think when the found out she was different from everyone else.She would barley speak.She was tormented by her friends.She had one friend who taught her how to play nicely. You see no one knew the thoughts that were floating in her head.Her parents had no idea what was going on with her.She sits in her room at wishing someone would want invite her to their house.The phone never rang. She’d hear something about the parties and would be hurt and disappointed because no one wanted to be around someone different. They’d give her excuses and lies that later she began to use to protect her from being hurt. She would hide under that smile pretending that everything was ok when it really wasn’t.She knew how to hide she knew how to lie. So began her life behind the mask.She began making excuses why she wouldn’t eat.No one knew the tormenting thoughts she was thinking.Then people began to laugh and make jokes about her.She needed to do something.She began to take on the role of fighting and granny lady. She found a stick and used it as a cane.What would they say now? They had to notice her. So she thought.People did begin to notice her and would talk to her. They still didn’t invite her over to their houses.They had to be nice to her because she would tell on them or hurt them.She was a girl with so many problems and had no one to help her fix them. She played sports just to fit in with the rest of the kids. She used the sports as a way to meet people. She thinks to herself if I’m an athlete then someone has to like me.She found a sport that she liked.She began to use the sport as a way to get out pent up frustrations and anger. She began to have dreams that were so big.Those dreams in the end would die.She always had big dreams that ended up dying.She loved the game so much that when she couldn’t play in high school she was devastated. She asked if she could manage the team instead. She had to be part of the game to survive. She was a nobody with out the game. She gained respect from her peers because of her devotion to the game. She Knew this would get her in with different people. She found something to keep her mind at rest or so she thought.She had something to look forward to. The other escape for her was her dog Mattie. She loved her so much. When she wasn’t playing the sport she was with her dog.When she was away from her dog her heart would ache. What would people say? What would people think of her? How will she go on. How would she react to these people in her new school?Why is everything so hard for this little girl?She was sexually abused by two people she thought were her friends. One happened to be her next door neighbor. She felt like trash. She felt defiled. How could she even tell someone about what happened to her? She didn’t know it was wrong or even rape. How could she know she was a kid in a big girl’s body. She felt dirty and still does knowing she can never get her innocence backCan’t anyone see how she is suffering inside. Of course not she hides it pretty well with that smile of hers. Don’t they know the tormenting thoughts that are running through her head. Oh boy does she have everyone fooled by her fake smile and all those masks she wears. She needed to bring the pain within outward. She needed something to cope.Her relationship with her best friend changed. She was not allowed to spend the night her house anymore.What’s she gonna do now ? How is she gonna deal with it? She stuffs it down inside because processing it would do more harm. Now she had no one to talk to or hang out with. She was all alone again.She had no way out of the tormenting thoughts and the guilt.She was a girl with many problems and no way to deal with them.She felt so alone and hid in her room to get away from everything.She needed to be loved.She needed to be accepted.Her mom was never home. Her dad stayed at home while her mom worked. When her mom came home she would have a glass of wine which back then she had no idea how that would effect her. She had to ask for hugs from her parents. She was never told by her parents that they loved her. Their way was taking her to appointments and taking her to sporting events.She was spiraling downward to a breakdown.She is afraid of making mistakes cause her dad would get mad at her.She wasn’t allowed to cry because only weak people cry or so she was told by her parents. She stuffed and stuffed till she couldn’t stuff anymore.She was a frail little girl with big problems and no way to get to the bottom of the problems. She needed to be accepted by her friends and parents.She had a lot of time alone to think about her problems. She was very shy and had no confidence in her abilities or herself.She was on the outside looking in.She made herself into what people wanted so she could fit in.How were they to know she was just pretending? She wore so many masks to hide the pain. She tried to reach out for help but her parents told you don’t needed to be tough and strong. No one wanted to deal with her not even her parents.Look at her all innocent no one has any idea what she has been through.She looked in the mirror and didn’t like what she saw. All those times of stuffing would end up hunting her.When she went to college her life would be turned upside down and twisted in many directions and its miracle she’s still around?She would end up starting to drink and get high to numb the pain from years of hurt.She was so numb from the pain that she had to do something. Most people in college don’t go through 7 roommate’s in6 years. Wait yes it did it happened to her.Most peoples college roommates don’t end up having a asthma attack while in the room their freshman year and have wait for EMS to arrive while trying not to have a complete meltdown. Wait yes it did it happened to her.Most people in college dogs don’t die when they are away and are told to just deal with it. Wait yes it did it happened to her.Most college people don’t have siblings that have to go to the mental hospital due to not wanting to live. Wait yes it did it happened to her.Most people in college don’t wake up and have an out of body experience. Wait yes it did it happened to her.Most people in college don’t get so drunk that their body is on fire and they can hardly move and are placed in bed with their friends and find that their friend and boyfriend were having sex while she was in the bed. Wait yes it did it happened to her. The girl used alcohol in college to mask all the pain. She had nothing to look forward to or live for until her friend Kim showed told her about Little Big Town and once she heard them in concert she fell in love with the music and now had something to look forward to. She would end up giving her life to God the day she graduated from college. She also ended a long battle with alcohol and has been sober ever since.