Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Its not fair I put out so many resumes and yet no interviews. The person at The Teaching and Learning center told me I should be getting interviews soon. But they aren't happening. I get the emails or letters saying we are sorry we have hired another person who is more qualified then you. I think its cause Ive been out of work a year. Is it because my work experience is so sporadic? Is it because I haven't been able hold down a job? Its very frustrating not hearing anything at all. It makes me think I'm just not meant to work. But I know that's not true. I know that there is a job for me. I then think and hope that what happened to me in other jobs doesn't happen again. I know God has a plan and what not. Its just hard sometimes remembering it.
Part of me doesn't want to work because of how I was treated at previous jobs. The person who is helping me find work said I need to think of other things I can do for work so change what I'm good at. I don't want to try other jobs. I cant be on my feet for long periods of time. To me that's like throwing in the towel. I shouldn't have to change what I wanna do job wise. If the places I apply aren't what GOD has planned for me job wise then its not supposed to be. I called a place because they had an add in the paper they were hiring and I got criticized by the person whose helping me look because of how I left a message for the person who was hiring was to fast. She said if you wanna be a receptionist you have to slow down when you speak. Does she think I don't know this. I thought I would talk to the person not have to leave a message. It threw me for a loop. You don't tell someone who has confidence and self esteem issues that they way they do something was not right. I called the place and I didn't even want to apply for that job. I hate being forced into things it makes me nervous. You don't force a person who hass been abused by bosses to call a possible job lead if they don't want to. So I need to trust GOD that the right job is out there and in HIS perfect time I will have the job that HE wants me to have. SO I shouldn't worry because GODs plans are what really matters.

Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.”

Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Many sides of me aka randomness

Lean Into It is one of my new favorite songs by Little Big Town. When you go through tough times you can either give up or lean on GOD so HE can help you get through what you are going through. When I struggle I tend not to rely on God instead I rely on myself which is not the best way to go. But then I realize that Gods way has to be the only way to live. So each time I struggle I know GOD will get me through it each and every time. With each and every blow from the wind He will get me through it. I always keep going no matter how hard it is at home or if Im sick as a dog I keep moving on it maybe just for a moment or a day but I move on. It could tear me apart but that doesnt stop me because in the back of my mind I know I'll get through it at some point in time.

Another thing I struggle with is my health I seem to always get sick and then when I go to Dr's I end up having nothing wrong so I tend not to want to go see Dr's when the Dr says I should see specialist and then the specialist finds absolutely wrong.

I sit and watch my dad drink away his problems and he is starting to forget things and I sit and think how much I hate the alcohol for stealing my dad from me. Its very hard for me when he and mom drink because he gets an attitude and I might as well stay far away but have no where to go.

I finally found a church that I like and that I think I might fit in. Its been awhile since I went to church. And the worship was awesome. It drew me in and didn't feel awkward. I walked in and people said hi and were friendly. Its not to far from my house either. Its just one bus ride so I don't have to leave 2 hours before church in order to catch 2 buses.