Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Whats been up

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Its been awhile since I posted last. I have not been inspired to post anything lately but figured since I cannot sleep I might as well blog. But this song Kiss Goodbye by Little Big Town fits my life right now. After long time figuring things out I had to make a decision about a friendship of mine. We had been friends for almost 11 years but I began to feel that if I wanted move on with my life and focus on GOD then it had to be done. Its hard to explain how I felt but I couldn't really be me... I was always the go to person when she had health questions that would get pretty gross and I would answer her in hopes to calm her anxiety. But a person can only handle so much before it gets to be a problem. My joy had literally went away. You see we never talked about normal things like our faith or how we really were doing we danced around important issues. When I needed a friend to be there she seemed to be distant and like I always do I said hey I'm sorry and yet she never really excepted any of my apologies. When I was so sick on trip I went to a concert with her because I didn't want her to miss out on the concert since we paid for it. When I thought I was lossing a friend I txted her cause I needed someone there for me yet she didnt want anything to do for me it just put the icing on the cake and I knew it was over. I may have some resentment towards her and need to forgive her. She had her friends on all different groups and I had my twitter friends. I told her that I had my life and she had hers and I couldn't be friends anymore. I sometimes regret it. I know its for the best and I will forgive her.

I had lost my smile and then when this friendship ended it slowly came back. Then my best friend from grade school invited me over for dinner with her brides maids and I really hadnt laughed like that in long time. Ibegan to get my smile back and my joy was coming back as well.

So I decided that GOD was the only one I need. I mean really HE's been there for me and hasn't hurt me. I have to keep reminding myself that. Because right now I am currently in the process of looking for a job with The Treatment and Learning Center. They will help find a job and keep it. But I have these demons from previous jobs that keep popping up in my head because of the abuse I faced in one job. I did not report it because at the time I didn't think anything of it. But that puts a lot of stress on me. Plus the stress of living at home with my parents. Its seem like things keep getting tenser. I try to stay out of the way but at dinner time I have to eat with my parents. I hate it most times cause my mom drinks and keeps asking the same questions over and over again. And if my dads been drinking then I might as well keep my mouth shut. I don't have enough money to pay rent and cannot drive so living at home is the only option I have.

As the song says "You just gotta watch it fly...Stand There on the sideliness... Go and swallow up your pride... Know its gonna be all right... wish it well and close your eyes... With a kiss goodbye." Ain't that the truth though swallowing our pride and stepping aside and let God take over cause in the end everything will be all right. And I know that in time I will be all right. I just gotta stop being thick headed. And Let GOD take full control. Kiss the old ways the old self goodbye because GODS on the sideline wating for you and me to pick up and tell us how special we are to HIM.

I thank God for my friends on twitter Hetty, Marie, Angie, Catherine, Nancy, Martha, Debbie, Heatherjo, Nikkie, Richard, Lucy, Patty, Megan, Tiffany My #Twivotion family and many more. Thank you for all you do for others and me. Thankk you for praying for me.

Im just trying to be honest on how things have been. I'm trying to place GOD first and others second.