Before I came to Christ

It started off the second semester of my sophmore year. I was at a party with someone who I thought at that time was my friend for a girls birthday. I was at the party because I was supposed to go home with Kim for the weekend and I didn't because it was supposed to snow and my parents didn't want me to come home. So I said what the heck I'll get plasterd. So I did. I had way to much to drink and prolly blacked out too. But I was fighting a cold at the time also. So my body became on fire and I couldn't move at all. My one friend and her guy friend had to walk me to the bedroom since I could not move anything. Then when my so called friend went to bed she had sex in the bed with her boyfriend while I was sleeping in the bed with them. I had no clue until the next day when some one told me. So a few days goes by and I go to see her and I was given a note of all things. In the note she proceeded to tell me that she DID NOT want to be friends with me anymore. What blow. I shared a lot of things about my past with her and she goes and says she DOES NOT want to be friends with me anymore. Man my world began to crumble within seconds...

Well it did and the one girl whose birthday it was there for me. After reading the letter I felt my heart just break and at that time I thought nothing or no one could fill that hole in my heart. I took the elvator to her room and there I cried in front of someone who would end up teaching me aabout Christ. my friend then began to comfort me and she told me that I didn't need to drink and get high to be friends with her she liked me for who I was an dthat mad me feel a little better. But her roomate was a Christian and she had Bible verses taped to the walls I found that strange at the time but i began to read some and began to feel a little better that I was better off not being around her. And she was right about that. My friends roomate then invited me to an FCA meeting. When I was a freshman I thought it was a joke and stupid but it wasn't at all it was where I learned about Christianity and that I needed Jesus. After I calmed down a bit I called Kim and told her about what happened. She came down from where she went to school to pick me up so I wouldn't be alone on the weekend. Thats where I heard my first worship song she took me to church with her.

So then I got close with a girl from across the hall and we got a long great then she left and I had no one to keep me sane. She was cool she made me laugh and we eventually became roomates the next year. But when she left I had no one to really talk to and I became really depressed. I began to think how stupid I was and all the talk in the head and I wanted the pain inside to be outside. So I went to the counselor on campous and she sent me to a pscyitrist at the mental hospital she gave me anti depressants and anti anxity meds. I was a mess. I missed classes I was drinking and going to the frat house and getting high. I'd walk in to the dorm and have to say 1.2.3 sober so I could walk to the elvator so no one would catch me. Theyed lock me in my room.

So then the end of the year comes and I have to do summer school. I was not happy. At that time I still hadn't acceted Christ into my life. So of course my 21st birthday had to be the day before my brothers Highschool graduation so I really didn't get to celbrate it. So the day after my brothers gradeuation from high school I had to go back to school. So me being the smart one went and bought a 24 pack of beer and some boones farm. And Id have one or two a day but this particular day I took my zanez and I think I drank after taking it but I really don't remember. So I fell a sleep and I believe I may have blacked out and was in a small coma because the next thing I know Im over top of my body just hovering over the mess and the empty bottles. And then I then cell phone rang and I was up. But I believe God was showing me that I needed to stop or this is how I'll be the rest of my life. It was very scarey. After that I stopped taking the zanex. Well I could get a ride to get my anti-depressant so that was another reason why I stoped taking it. Also that summer I had to go to the emergency room because I had a sever migrain where I could move my neck or any part of my body. The other time was because I had a serious kidney infection.

Then my Junior year when I was on my fall break my mom comes in my room around 4 am and says they are taking my brother to the hospital. At that time I had no idea at that time he was in a mental hospital. So my parents came home and my brother did not and that kinda scared me. I asked where he was and they told me he tried to kill himself and so I really didn't have a fall break. My parents where with him almost the whole time I was home. That was a big kick in the butt for me. My little brother was hurting and I couldn't do anything about it. So I go back to school with out seeing my brother and that week my proffesor took us to a fedral penitentary. And we went through the mental hospital and that brought back the memory of my mom coming in my room telling me about my brother. So that made me shut down and not want to see anyone or go on medicine. Or that may have been my mind making the decision.
I started to attend FCA weekly and meet some Christian friends.

So around the end of that year my roomate gets in car reck and she was ok but she ended up leaving school for the weekend. I was so scared she wasn't gonna come back. She did but she was a different person after that. She left me before and left me a mess and I was afraid she was gonna leave for good and I couldn't handle that.