WHY

Why is so hard for me to cry. Why do I hold back when its safe to share. When I wont be judged for what I have to say. I shouldnt be scared that Id be hurt. But I guess because of being hurt in the past for speakin up and sharing that holding back nowis a second nature. Yet I act like nothing is wrong yet it is. Because it is so much easier for me to stuff and stuff till the suit case is to heavy to carry. Not good cause when you know you have to let go and trust but still you hold back. I know that if just let it out and not hold back that I would feel better. Why do I hold back from tears. Why do I hold back or pull back from speaking whats on my mind when talking with Hetty @AliveinMe yet talking with her is safe yet in my mind I pull back when tears are close I put up that wall inside as a coping recation. Guess thats why letting go is hard for me to do. I know that there are people out that will not put me down will not turn on me and tell me off. They are all around I just have to be willing to reach out and not be scared of being hurt.

I even sometime hold back from God yet He never holds back from me. He is always there opened armed opened ear. Waiting for me to talk to Him.