Letting it Out

Ephesians 2:14 He Himself is our Peace.

These past 2 weeks I have been on a rollercoaster ride of sorts with lost of stuff in my life seeming to crash at one time. Leading me to back to an old habbit. Well it really started sunday night when I walked out on dinner. Which sent my body in to full blown anger mode. I turned on music to try and cool down but it didnt seem to help much cause when I woke up in the AM it was back worse then Sunday night. I went from being supper anxious ready to cry and then angry and not wanting to feel a thing. So in that moment I went back to scratching again. Was so low that I had this look on my face that nothing mattered. Then my friend told me to calm down and turn to God. Bam those words I needed to hear to get out of it. So I then put on worship music and just worshiped. I still cannt cry but I am learning that I have to notjudge myself and that I have to forgive myself. Im so blessed with my friendship with @AliveinMe she has been pointing me to rely fully on GOD. And that is hard for me but I need my life back and if giving HIM everything will get me back to being happy and not down in the dumps. And trust that HE is in control.


On thursday I was told by my parents that I had rolls in my belly. I knew I had them Im well aware of what my tummy looks like and that it has rolls. I didnt need to be reminded of it. Especially in a bad week when I already was depressed hey lets make her more depressed.

I did end up crying last night but only because I was putting myself down. SO I guess it was self bashing last night.

I also have been fighting headaches off and on this week. Slept alot yesterday.

I had a meeting with the Department of Rehabilitation and they said that my case was delayed cause they didnt have the right paperwork filed and that I basically fell through the cracks. SO my mom and my Aunt who is a social worker went with me and they now are proceeding with everything. All I have to do is sign paperwork and wait for appoinments. Plus will file for Social Security again. My parents filed when I was little now we are gonna try again. Since I will be starting work as part time.


Also In talking with @AliveinMe or Hetty I have been able to share things from my past that I assumed to keep to myself. Yet GOD knew all about so really I was just hiding it from myself so I wouldnt get hurt all over again. Yet I have been carrying it for so long that I was doing more harm to myself by not letting go. And now that I think about it letting go is the best thing it takes the weight off my shoulders. So I can turn to HIM and give GOD my everything. Not just parts here and parts there all of me.

But God got me through and I still sober and He is still GOD. I just have to remind myself Im never alone even if I feel like it sometimes there are others out there too. SO Im gonna take last week and give it to HIM.