Im with the Band

3 years worth of meet and greet pictures and pictures from the concert. Some of the concert pictures were takin by Kim. Its been a great journey of fun and sometimes very stressful but oh so worth it in the end. Nothing like a Little Big Town high. And nothing like another LBT Moment where God shows off.

Dance like there is no tomorrow

Colosians 3:23 Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically as something done for the Lord and not for me.
Sometimes when life gets tough you just gotta have some fun and dance. Dance your your way through the emotions you feel. You may look silly you may look like you lost your bloomin mind but your having fun and thats the best part. So if you want to dance down the isles of stores go for it cause you only live once. I enjoy makin a fool of myself dancin cause it i can just laugh and act silly. I guess I dance cause it gets pent up frustration and anxiety out and I can just have fun.

Coming home from work or being out of town and having the dogs greet me. Getting kisses from the dogs.Giving people hugs and making there days better. Spending time with the people that matter in my life. That bailey loves to snuggle with me. Holding bailey like a baby and having him fall a sleep in my arms. Watching The dogs play with each othe watching the dogs give each othet kisses. Taalking with the people that matter. Watching the dogs sleep. The best things in life are spending time with your friends. Going to concerts with your friends and meeting the band. Getting to spend time with the band. Getting nearly killed going to see the band. Being noticed by little big town and then having them diirect their attention towards you almost like they are singing the song just for you and making sure your ok. Three words I never want to hear by little big town raise your right hand. Another thing don't want to be followed by little big town while driving its very hazard us. They make you feel welcome and like yor worth more then you think. they always have the right things to say

The beach

So apparently this year will be the 23rd year when the Hartnetts Kirwans and Aunes get togther for the anual beach trip. Ok so 4 me its only like 19 because of summer school fell during beach weeks. 4 familys in one house yikes. 4 kids under 6 tripple yikes. But thats ok. Its kool I guess. It does get hard in hte evenings watching everyone drink their beers and wine. And then I have to be careful what I say when they drink. But Ive learned to stay clear of them. We're having crabs saturday night so that should be interesting. But I know this God will be first this weekend. Thats the only way ill make it through next week.

Little Big Town Concert

Im in Awe of how Big God is. ANd how giving up a meet and greet to Kim would lead me to help a girl named katie who really wanted to meet them but didnt get a meet and greet. So when LBT handed me the paper they signed I saw they werote my name on it and Kim had gotten somethin signed 4 me so when I saw the girl walk by i knew i had to give it to her. SO I found her and gave her it and her mom gave me a hug and thanked me. I knew it was the right thing to do.

Stuff

How do we stuff and stuff then wonder where, why, when and how we got to this place in our life. When did things really start to feel out of control. Was it because I felt awful about walking out of a friendship. Was it because I was belittled by bosses coeworkes and friends. Was it because my home life isnt great. Did it begin in college dorms when I was numbing out. Was it when I was at home on fall break and my rushed in my room and told me she would be back. Or is it the fact that I was begginning to give up on me and my ability to work and keep a job and to preform my dutties effectively. Was I giving upon myself because I didnt think I was capable of completing a task that was givin to me in a timely manner. Was I was giving up on myself because i felt like dirt.

Little Big Town

So next week I go away to VA to see my favorite band Little Big Town. So very excited about this trip its been 2 months since Ive last time Ive seen them. Its wierd cause 3yrs ago I would never have thought about the whole following a band around. But now its like if they are anywhere close meaning at least 8hrs a way I go. I would have never expected to go on a wild ride. To put it blunt God has been a part of this in big ways. I would have never expected that me Katie would love the rush I get at the concert and how I just go to another place in my mind where I forget how bad my head hurts or that theres was little things that went wrong and just deisappear. I call it the Land of Little Big Town. God just pulls all stops whether at the concert at a meet and greet before the shows after the shows. God always makes Himself known at the shows. Even if I try to shake it off. My shirt says Im One Of Them and on the back it say LBT DORK. I have seen them about 33 times in 3 years. I dont know where I would be if they didnt come into my life.

Home

Home is supposed to be a safe place. A place where you feel confortable and where you dont have to be afaid.
Well I have 3 yrs of sobriety and am currently living at home with my alcoholic parents. Wait red flag. You heard me live in alcoholic and sober. You ask how can I get by. I get by only with Gods help. it is very tough to see the people you love wasting away and you judt want to shake them and say look what your doing not only are you hurting yourself your hurting the people that love you. You say how can you deal with it. I suck it up and take it cause I have to. I stuff it inside and hope that the pain will go away. Sometimes I even blame myself for my moms drinkin but then I change my thinkin. You think how am I still sober I remind myself of how I was when I wasnt and then Praise God for my sobriety. Its bad when they pick on me when they drink. You say Im strong maybe but I have to be inorder to survive at home. You say why dont I move out. Its way to expensive in MD to live in an appartment. So I deal with it because I have to. But God gets me through it and Im glad I have Him in my life now.

just thoughts

When things get bad where do you run. Do you run a way from the problem or do hold you ground and fight with all you got. Do you run to God. Or are you like me and stuff problems down till you cannt stuff anymore. Do you act all tough like it doesnt bug you at all. When in reality it hurts so much that you just want the pain to be gone. do you run to the bottle for confort and support.

God wants us to run to Him at all times in the good and bad and in between. He wants us to let our guards down and begin to trust Him. He wont fight back. He wont put you down or make you feel awful. He will love you no matter what you did or didnt do.

At one period in my life I did not love myself. I would not look at myself in the mirror because I hated myself so much. But then once I had accepted God in my life and really understood that He loves me was slowly able to look at myself in the mirror and not think I was dirt. But I began to say God loves me Katie and for awhile I believed it then stuff happened and pushed God to the side but He never stopped loving me. So I guess I dont need to act tough and just let God work in me and through me.

Heart Check

Ok so this mightt sound odd but does your room or rooms in your house or desk messy? Well I was think that my room is a war zone. It looks like a bomb exploded. But I was thinking about this that when my life seems out of control and I want to control something so I let everything pile up. Like stuffing my problems in a sense. Because I stuff and stuff till I cannt stuff no more then explode or comin to my end in a sense. So does that mean your heart isnt right or does that mean you need God to control your life and let go and clean up. But where to start when your room or heart is so stuffed that letting go is difficult. You try to take out the trash but then once the trash is gone what next. DO you go back to how it once was or do you continue hoping as you clean up thinngs will be easier. Maybe I want my room to be a mess because inside Im a mess. But the cool thing is I got God on my side to help me begin to let the trash out of my life. Maybe then I can begin to clean the clutter in my room and throw away stuff that I dont need. The thing is people like order and in an odd way my room being a mess gives me order in my life odd but true. But God has Saved me from myself so Im gonna move on and start to get the help I need so I can get on with my life and really live. OKAY Here I GO IM READY LORD TAkE CONTROL.

Unknown

So for some reason today I really am getting a little bit depressed about my money running out in a month or two maybe longer then I think. I think it scares me to even begin to look for work because of how I was treated at past jobs and the fact that I havent held a job for more then a couple months or even weeks at a time. I am always afraid of screwin up and then getting talked to the boss. Oh wait did I mention the emotional verbal abuse that I fear might happen again. Or the thought of being laughed at for my work habbits. I try to hide the fact that I have ADHD because I dont want to be treated differently. I dont want to settle for a job because I need the money or because the health benifits are good and sound too good to be true. When i make a mistake at work you know whatruns through my mind your worthless, you cannt do anything right, why do you even bother cause your no good, your stupid, my favorite your not good enough, and so on and so forth. Then begins the viscious cycle of depression anger and wanting a different life or even numbing out or self injuring myself because I hated myself. I dont know if can say that I its gone no the anger and depression is still here. Can I say the self hate is sgone no its stil come up everyknow and again. But I can say I am learning to love myself and push away those self bashing. And I think God is helpin me grow even more each day. The other day was the first day in a couple of weeks that I actually felt excited to be alive and had energy. I have not had the energy to do much of anything lately. Maybe a self pitty party or maybe just bad depression that keeps comin back. Lately I find myself on the really tough days wanting to numb out with a cold beer but that would be the easy way out and I aint no quiter. Im so glad I have people out there praying for me and encouraging me through these last few weeks. I want to be happy and not feel like everything is crumbling down inside. I want to let go but have trouble. But in due time I will and I will be really free. I hate not being able to feel at all and being so numb that I want the pain inside to show outside. Im gonna hold on to GOD and trust theres somethin better out there for me. And maybe that will give me hope that the right job for me is out there Im just not where I want to be but am where God wants me. Guess thats okay with me.