Random thoughts

I miss the days of old when going to see Little Big Town would help me forget what was going on at home. I miss getting lost in the music and not having a care at that moment. I miss going to Walmart at 12 am and dancing down the aisle and breaking out little big town songs randomly. You see my friend of 13 years choose to stop being friends. So I have to ask God for help in letting go of the past and forgive her. It's tough when you want to go back to the good times and they aren't there anymore because they are just memories. So I am choosing to forgive Kim because its time to move on and let God do His work. It's tough to forgive when there had been a lot of hurt but it is necessary. I'm thankful for those times but i must forgive Kim and I am choosing to do so.
Dear Lord,
Lord please help me to forgive Kim so I can move on with my life. Lord help me to put my trust in You completely. Lord help me to surrender this to You. Lord take control of my life. Amen

Life

Just trying to figure things out. Sometimes I think it would be so nice not to have ADHD or a learning disability because then my life would be a bit easier. I am thankful for the church I go to and the friends I made. I also am thankful for my small group. But at times I think it would be nice to have friends here who really truly understand me and my shortcoming. Lately I have been struggling with unforgiveness of friendship that ended and I have some bitterness as well. I feel alone and I know God is with me but I feel like HE is so far away. I am really not sure what I am supposed to do anymore. I need God to take full control of my life. I want and need Him to be the center of my life. I'm thankful for my family and friends on twitter and Facebook.

A Glimpse into my life

Thank You Jesus For Saving me. 

Just a brief look into my life.  I hope everyone enjoys.

Psalm 94:19 When I am filled with cares Your comfort brings me joy.

Colossians 3:3 For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.

Proverbs 3:21-23 My child, hold on to your wisdom and insight. Never let them get away from you. They will provide you with life—a pleasant and happy life.  You can go safely on your way and never even stumble.

My Birthday Fun

Thank you GOD for my life and saving me. Thank you everyone who celebrated this day with me I am truly blessed.

Proverbs 3:21-23 My child don't lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang onto them for they fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling.

Psalm 100:3 Acknowledge that the LORD is GOD! HE made us, and we are HIS. We are HIS people, the sheep of HIS pasture.


Psalm 139:14 "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous---and how well I know it."

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do must be done with love."

Psalm 73:26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

Romans 9.25 "I'll call nobodies & make them somebodies; I'll call the unloved & make them beloved."
 
Romans 8:28 And we know that GOD causes everything to work together for the good of those who love GOD and are called according to HIS purpose for them.  

My Life

A short video I did for my Small group. I hope you enjoy My Life


Song Only What You Make of It by Little Big Town





Romans 9:25 "I'll call nobodies and make them somebodies; I'll call the unloved and make them beloved."

Psalm 139:14 "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous---and how well I know it."

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 "Be on guard. Stand true to what you believe. Be courageous. Be strong. And everything you do must be done with love."

Psalm 73:26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart do not depend on your own understanding. Seek HIS will in all you do and HE will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:21-23 My child don't lose sight of good planning and insight. Hang onto them for they fill you with life and bring you honor and respect. They keep you safe on your way and keep your feet from stumbling.

Fun Day at th Park

Just Existing

Lately the last couple weeks I have felt like I have been just existing. Its like I'm in the middle between numb and just going through the motions. I don't know why I feel this way but maybe because its how I'm dealing with stress at home and in my life in general. Its almost like I'm here but not here. It may be partly from lack of sleep over the past couple months and its just hitting me now. Partly because I'm so stressed and ready for a break from my parents.


I hate getting yelled at for telling the dogs to stop barking. I mean you cant go up to a dog and say excuse me would you be so kind to please quit the barking. If that was the case then Id be scared. So to say the least I have been on edge all day due to lack of sleep and then this happens and makes me more on edge. I hate being on edge cause coming out takes a while. Right now I'm extremely edgy and anxious and ready just to pack my things and leave but what good would that do me since I have no place to go to get a way. You see I miss going to see Little Big Town in times like these because at least they helped me get away from home and forget for a little bit of time. But its not good to run away cause when you return its the same old stuff and that fun time seems so distant. So I think the best thing for me is to stay out of the way and keep my mouth shut. I know God has HIS reasons so I guess I'll keep trusting HIM.


Right now I have one good thing going for me is Church. Which is a pretty good escape for a couple hours. It has helped Keep me sane these past couple of weeks since I started going. I actually look forward to going to Church again which is a big GOD thing. They also created a group for new comers that has helped me a lot over the past couple weeks since life at home isn't great I can get encouraged there. The leader of the group rocks she has helped me a lot and has encouraged me to keep turning to GOD. I can actually talk which is a good thing and not feel like what I am saying is wrong or like it doesn't matter. Unlike my last Church where people tore me down when I had rough times and didn't build me up. I don't need to be in a place where I'm tore down. That's not what church is for. Its for lifting up encouraging loving people and showing GODS love.

Psalm 9:10 "Those who know Your Name will trust in YOU for You O LORD have never abandoned anyone who searches for YOU."

Psalm 71:14 "But I will keep hoping for YOU to help me I will praise YOU more and more."

Psalm 31:14 "But I am trusting in YOU O LORD saying 'YOU are my GOD!'"

Psalm 37:5 "Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust HIM and HE will help you."

Psalm 18:30 "As for GOD HIS way is perfect."

I dont know

Lately I think to myself why did I stop a friendship. I look and see this person still going to see Little Big Town and yes I get jealous. Sad but true. But on the other hand I have been able to save money which is a good thing. I saw this person the other day voting and walking past her I got this awful pit in my stomach like I was dirt. I had my hoodie on and just kept walking towards the door. Is that how its gonna be me having to pick and chose times to go do things in hopes I wont see this person. Its like I have become the bad guy. And it feels like because of it God is far away. Which I know HEs not.

Im in funk now and just need it to pass but with the funk comes the anger and the depression. I know GOD will get me through it. Its hard to explain it. But its like one second Im doing well then the next minute Im down and out. Sometimes I think I just wanna give up but that aint me. I aint no quiter. Im on an Anti Depressant to help the headaches and help the depression and anger and it does help a little bit. But I hate getting angry because it sets me off and then Im spiraling down into a depression. Which is no fun. Ya I trust GOD and I know HE'll get me through it at some point.

Frustrated

Its not fair I put out so many resumes and yet no interviews. The person at The Teaching and Learning center told me I should be getting interviews soon. But they aren't happening. I get the emails or letters saying we are sorry we have hired another person who is more qualified then you. I think its cause Ive been out of work a year. Is it because my work experience is so sporadic? Is it because I haven't been able hold down a job? Its very frustrating not hearing anything at all. It makes me think I'm just not meant to work. But I know that's not true. I know that there is a job for me. I then think and hope that what happened to me in other jobs doesn't happen again. I know God has a plan and what not. Its just hard sometimes remembering it.
Part of me doesn't want to work because of how I was treated at previous jobs. The person who is helping me find work said I need to think of other things I can do for work so change what I'm good at. I don't want to try other jobs. I cant be on my feet for long periods of time. To me that's like throwing in the towel. I shouldn't have to change what I wanna do job wise. If the places I apply aren't what GOD has planned for me job wise then its not supposed to be. I called a place because they had an add in the paper they were hiring and I got criticized by the person whose helping me look because of how I left a message for the person who was hiring was to fast. She said if you wanna be a receptionist you have to slow down when you speak. Does she think I don't know this. I thought I would talk to the person not have to leave a message. It threw me for a loop. You don't tell someone who has confidence and self esteem issues that they way they do something was not right. I called the place and I didn't even want to apply for that job. I hate being forced into things it makes me nervous. You don't force a person who hass been abused by bosses to call a possible job lead if they don't want to. So I need to trust GOD that the right job is out there and in HIS perfect time I will have the job that HE wants me to have. SO I shouldn't worry because GODs plans are what really matters.


Matthew 6:34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.”

Jeremiah 29:11-12 For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.

Many sides of me aka randomness

Lean Into It is one of my new favorite songs by Little Big Town. When you go through tough times you can either give up or lean on GOD so HE can help you get through what you are going through. When I struggle I tend not to rely on God instead I rely on myself which is not the best way to go. But then I realize that Gods way has to be the only way to live. So each time I struggle I know GOD will get me through it each and every time. With each and every blow from the wind He will get me through it. I always keep going no matter how hard it is at home or if Im sick as a dog I keep moving on it maybe just for a moment or a day but I move on. It could tear me apart but that doesnt stop me because in the back of my mind I know I'll get through it at some point in time.

Another thing I struggle with is my health I seem to always get sick and then when I go to Dr's I end up having nothing wrong so I tend not to want to go see Dr's when the Dr says I should see specialist and then the specialist finds absolutely wrong.

I sit and watch my dad drink away his problems and he is starting to forget things and I sit and think how much I hate the alcohol for stealing my dad from me. Its very hard for me when he and mom drink because he gets an attitude and I might as well stay far away but have no where to go.

I finally found a church that I like and that I think I might fit in. Its been awhile since I went to church. And the worship was awesome. It drew me in and didn't feel awkward. I walked in and people said hi and were friendly. Its not to far from my house either. Its just one bus ride so I don't have to leave 2 hours before church in order to catch 2 buses.